Counselling

Counselling

Grief and Loss

First let's define what we mean by the terms "grief" and "loss".

Grief is a complex human reaction that encompasses changes in thoughts, feelings and behaviour. It is NOT a pathological state, although it can sometimes lead into pathological or abnormal states such as depression. Grief is a normal human reaction to loss. It has no specific or predictable time span - it may last for days, weeks or a lifetime, although it usually changes in intensity and experience as time passes.

Now let's look at what we mean by loss. When we think of grieving, we usually think of it as a response to the death (loss) of a loved one. However, apart from death, loss can take many other forms- both literal and symbolic. Here are some examples: many people experience loss of role and status if they lose their job; homesickness can be thought of as a loss - loss of friends, family, and a sense of "home". So, loss is the trigger that may elicit the response of grief.

Grieving can be thought of as a process. It is the way we adapt and adjust to loss.

Grief Reactions

Grief can include a very wide range of experiences and reactions. No two people will grieve in exactly the same way and there is no such thing as a "normal" way to grieve. When grieving, people may experience any or all of the following:

Even though a grief reaction may be a normal reaction to a loss, and not a pathological state, it can be helpful to talk to a counsellor about your grief experiences, in order to understand and come to terms with what you are experiencing.

One of the most challenging things about grief is that quite often, others around us are also grieving a loss at the same time as we are. We therefore not only have to deal with our own grief, but also with the unique grief reactions of others around us as well.

Grief and Study

Normal grief reactions are often very disruptive to a person who is trying to study. It can be very hard for a grieving person to summon the motivation, will and concentration to continue with their study. It is common for a person's life goals and priorities to change as part of the grief process. This re-ordering of priorities can make study seem temporarily meaningless, or dramatically reduce its priority as a goal for the grieving person during the grieving process. 'Having Trouble Studying' has some tips that may be helpful.

Such reactions are quite normal, but can be problematic on a practical level, if one is committed to a course of study. If your study has been disrupted by grief, it is important that you report this to the University by submitting a Special Consideration form. This can be downloaded at CSU Forms. You will need documentation to accompany your application for special consideration. This could be a letter from a doctor, or a counsellor. You may wish to contact a Student Counsellor for support or advice about your study.

Helpful Hints

Some thoughts which may help if you are grieving:

Reading List:

McKissock, Mal. Coping with Grief 3rd Ed. 1995

McLean, George Denis. Loss and Grief: Our Stories A Collection of Stories on Loss and Grief 2001

Van Praagh, James. Healing Grief: Reclaiming Life After Any Loss 2001

Weber, Zita Annette. Good Grief: How to Recover From Grief, Loss or a Broken Heart 2001